One of the gentlest ways to feel at home in Tokyo is through giving. Japanese social life runs on small, thoughtful gestures, and once you understand a few of them, everyday relationships with neighbours, colleagues and hosts become noticeably warmer. The good news: nobody expects a newcomer to get it perfect. A modest gift offered with a kind word lands beautifully, and the spirit behind it matters far more than the price tag.
The everyday gifts: omiyage and temiyage
Two small gifts come up constantly in daily life. Omiyage are souvenirs you bring back from a trip, usually a box of individually wrapped regional snacks or sweets, to share with colleagues, friends or family. Temiyage is a small gift you carry when visiting someone's home, a quiet thank-you for being invited. Neither needs to be expensive. Something local, pretty, and easy to share is exactly right.
- Omiyage: travel souvenirs, often boxed regional sweets, shared with coworkers or friends after a trip away.
- Temiyage: a small thank-you gift, such as nice sweets or fruit, brought when visiting someone's home.
- Individually wrapped, easy-to-share items are popular because everyone can take one without fuss.
- Department-store food halls (depachika) and station shops are easy, reliable places to find both.
The seasonal gift seasons: ochugen and oseibo
Twice a year, many people send a more formal gift to those they feel grateful to: a boss, a mentor, a relative, or someone whose help they have leaned on. Ochugen (お中元) is the summer gift, sent mainly in July; oseibo (お歳暮) is the year-end gift, sent in December. Both say thank you for kindness and support over the past months. Department stores open special sections for these seasons and can arrange delivery, which is how most people send them. As a newcomer you are not obliged to take part, but it helps to recognise it when someone sends a gift your way.
Wrapping, and the art of presentation
In Japan, how a gift is wrapped is part of the gift. Wrapping signals care and marks the item as something special, not just practical packaging. You do not need to master traditional techniques like furoshiki cloth or mizuhiki cords; shops will wrap beautifully for you if you mention the gift is a present. A neat, considered presentation already shows respect for the person receiving it.
How to give and receive gracefully
The how matters as much as the what. When you offer or accept a gift, use both hands and add a few modest words. A light, humble phrase is customary, even when the gift is lovely. The classic one is 'tsumaranai mono desu ga' (つまらないものですが), meaning roughly 'it's only a small, trifling thing, but...' as you hand it over. It is also normal for the receiver to give a gentle, polite pause before accepting. None of this is a test; it is simply the rhythm of consideration that runs through Japanese hospitality.
This is the spirit of omotenashi: heartfelt hospitality offered with care and without expecting anything in return. Customs vary by family, region and workplace, so when you are unsure, watch what people around you do, or simply ask a friendly colleague or host. A warm, sincere effort is always welcome.
Handy tips for newcomers
- Give and receive with both hands, with a small bow and a few humble words.
- Keep it modest. Thoughtfulness counts more than how much you spend.
- Choose individually wrapped, shareable snacks for an office or group.
- Let the shop know it is a gift so they can wrap it nicely.
- Avoid sets of four or nine where you can; four (shi) sounds like 'death' and nine (ku) like 'suffering,' so both carry an unlucky feel, though no one will be offended if you slip up.
- For everyday omiyage and temiyage, no return gift is needed; a sincere thank-you in the moment is enough. For formal gifts marking big life events, a return gift (okaeshi) is customary later, often around half the value.
- Do I have to bring omiyage to the office after every trip?
- It is a kind gesture and widely appreciated, especially after time off, but it is not a strict rule. A small box of shareable snacks is plenty, and no one expects a newcomer to never miss.
- How much should a temiyage cost?
- Modest is perfect. Nice sweets, fruit or a small treat are ideal. The thought behind it matters far more than the amount, so there is no need to overspend.
- Am I expected to send ochugen or oseibo?
- No. These seasonal gifts are optional and tend to follow longer-standing relationships and workplace norms. It simply helps to recognise the custom when you encounter it.
- Do I need to give a return gift when I receive something?
- For everyday omiyage and temiyage, no return gift is expected; a warm thank-you is enough. For formal gifts marking major life events, such as weddings, a new baby, or a funeral or condolences, a return gift (okaeshi) is customary, often around half the value of what you received.
- What if I make a mistake with the etiquette?
- Don't worry. A sincere, friendly effort is always well received, and people are understanding with newcomers. When unsure, observe those around you or ask a host or colleague.
